‘Put yourself first,’ ‘you deserve better,’
We have all been told this or have used this language to console a friend, but one must ask themselves why these catchphrases, which revolve around speculative entitlements, are the standards of advice?
It would seem that all of the dating recommendations and advice that exist are based on deserving and expectations. However this ‘advice’ is only a mirror that shows how society and its individuals view dating. “I exist and therefore I deserve,” has become more prevalent than evaluating your own limitations and what that could mean for your potential partner and peers.
What if someone were to tell you that you do not inherently deserve anything, how enraged would that make you? Where would that leave your identity? Perhaps in protest to such a claim you would rate yourself on a scale from 1-10, you might compare yourself to other single people and clarify your worth, you might cite your wonderful family as a reason for your deserving, your brain, your looks. Add up all the points that make you a wonderful catch, as if you’re an object, and then commodify someone else to see if you’re compatible.
The problem is that people are misdirected; instead of seeking common values, we seek common worth. The consequence is a diseased thought process that revolves around either “getting” or “settling,” and therefore, no time for introspection. However this problem, I believe, can be easily solved with self-evaluation.
The precise measurements at which we use to pull apart another person, we should use tenfold to scrutinize ourselves. This is not a call to change your sense of entitlement of others, but to expand those same expectations and demands towards yourself.
Meditate to discover which diseases lie under your skin, i.e. your bad characteristics, and what that could mean to another person in your life. “What are you looking for?” should be internally changed to “what qualities am I looking to develop and harness within myself so I can be a better human, partner, neighbor, sibling, and friend?”
One thing you should never settle for is constant self-affirmation of your ‘commodified worth,’ without taking breaks to pull yourself apart every once in a while to look for diseased or neglected personality traits.
What are your thoughts? Do you agree with my conclusions/solutions?
What do you think the consequences of this mentality could be?